Tonight I sang at Encounter, which I will describe as an effort to clear away agenda and let the Holy Spirit be in charge of a VCC church service. In general when I sing, I tend to feel used, spent and good about it. And tonight was a strange difference. I do feel used and spent (in good ways, like when you’ve gone for a run or helped a family member) but I also am processing. I didn’t expect to have something to chew on. I expected to go and serve the people who wanted to encounter the Holy Spirit, who wanted a deep taste of God. I expected to sing some songs.
Instead, I feel like God is breathing on me.
Do you ever feel like something blurry around the corner is a picture of what you will be? Like there’s a foggy mirror in your bathroom and if you could just clear it, you could see a REAL image of yourself? I feel that something is around the corner, something new, some new version of myself.
And when I say that, what I really mean is that I think I’m going to be doing something new that will express something important to me. It’s very important to me to express things, even if that gets me in trouble. 
And I guess for the future me, I wanted a record that on this day, I caught a blurry glimpse of a future Jes.
Exciting…
I had the same thing happen to me when I was at BarlowGirl concert a few weeks ago… something in me changed and I liked it…. now I have a vision of what God wants me to do. I would love to talk to you about it.
Read it, and it (sort of) makes sense.
You are always growing into a grander version of yourself, sometimes in spurts. Ballet, I suspect, is one way that you express yourself and develop in ways beyond words, for instance. Music does that too. Maybe the great thing about the idea you expressed is seeing the proverbial mirror as foggy, NOT seeing the “clear you” as you think you are but seeing you as a process, becoming, with all sorts of possibilities rather than as a completed image.
Hopefully that makes some sense. Hmm, I’ll post this at the site for your future You to read — and be confused again by this message.
Great thoughts — it’s a true pleasure hearing these bits of you, witnessing a bit of the Inner You.